Stacks
From an Ex-Field Sales/Support Survivor:
I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking power supply.
The service representative was having a bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem.
Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply.
Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT file that will take care of this.
Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem.
Customer: I know that there is something I can put in... some command... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.
[After a few minutes of going round and round]
Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer.
[Customer does this]
Customer: It is still smoking.
Service Rep: I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.
[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of this guy. But NO; he calls back four hours later!]
Service Rep: Hello, Sir, how is your computer?
Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost....
I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking power supply.
The service representative was having a bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem.
Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply.
Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT file that will take care of this.
Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem.
Customer: I know that there is something I can put in... some command... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.
[After a few minutes of going round and round]
Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer.
[Customer does this]
Customer: It is still smoking.
Service Rep: I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.
[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of this guy. But NO; he calls back four hours later!]
Service Rep: Hello, Sir, how is your computer?
Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost....
Helpful Clarifications
Derby: 'We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that "Mr. Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force". This was a typographical error. We meant, of course, that Mr.Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.' (Source: Derby Abbey Community News)
Churchdown: 'Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the church labelled "For The Sick" is for monetary donations only.' (Source: Churchdown Parish News)
Arkansas: Police in West Memphis had little trouble tracking down a man in a wheelchair who allegedly robbed a Kreme Kup dairy bar but made the mistake of leaving a paper trail. According to reports, the robbery suspect ordered a Double Jumbo Cheeseburger, then wrote a stick-up note on the back of a personal cheque and handed it to the waitress. (Source: CNN Fringe Mail)
Derby: 'We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that "Mr. Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force". This was a typographical error. We meant, of course, that Mr.Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.' (Source: Derby Abbey Community News)
Churchdown: 'Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the church labelled "For The Sick" is for monetary donations only.' (Source: Churchdown Parish News)
Arkansas: Police in West Memphis had little trouble tracking down a man in a wheelchair who allegedly robbed a Kreme Kup dairy bar but made the mistake of leaving a paper trail. According to reports, the robbery suspect ordered a Double Jumbo Cheeseburger, then wrote a stick-up note on the back of a personal cheque and handed it to the waitress. (Source: CNN Fringe Mail)
Frankfurt: German police also had little trouble tracking down Alexander Nemeth when he attempted to blackmail the Nestle food company by lacing jars of mustard, mayonnaise and sauce with poison and placing them on supermarket shelves all over Frankfurt. Nemeth wrote to the company demanding $14 million to call off his campaign and asked for the payoff to be made in diamonds, which were to be placed in small pouches around the necks of a basketful of pigeons he provided. Instead, police simply placed small radio transmitters in the pouches and let the pigeons find their way home, then arrested him. Nemeth was subsequently found guilty on three charges of extortion and six of poisoning food and was sentenced to 11 years in jail.
(Source: New Vision, Frankfurt)